By now you’ve probably heard that Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher’s open marriage ended in divorce after 6 years of marriage. From all accounts, their relationship was riddled with intense fighting. They even did rigorous counseling based on Kabbalah, the mystical Judaic teachings that became their shared spiritual foundation. To quote a close friend, “Whatever counseling they did was fine for a quick fix, but it couldn’t get at the heart of the matter.”??
And what is the heart of the matter?
You’ve probably also heard about Ashton’s cheating scandal after a 22-year-old woman named Sara Leal claimed she had unprotected sex with him in San Diego. Leal sold her story on Kutcher weeks after the fling, which took place on Ashton and Demi’s sixth wedding anniversary no less. In the story, Leal dropped her drawers exposing the indelicate details of the night, including how she and a bevy of babes played with Kutcher in a hot tub in a luxurious hotel suite; and how Two and a Half Men star tried to persuade her to have a threesome along with her best friend Marta Borzuchowski. In the end, he settled for a two-hour unprotected sexual romp with her. She claimed that Kutcher told her he was separated from Demi before they fooled around.
Demi’s close friend shared Demi’s reaction in a story she gave to Us Weekly, and I quote:
“The final straw with Sara Leal has just been too humiliating for Demi to get over.”
The source continued, “She just couldn’t look at Ashton the same way and the marriage…completely unraveled.”
The source also said, “She still loves Ashton but feels he went too far and disrespected her and their marriage in a way that can’t be taken back. At the end of the day, the public humiliation and the example she was setting by staying in the marriage just wasn’t the right thing for her.”
“She really tried everything she could to forgive him and accept his apologies,” the source added.
A further big factor in Demi’s decision to divorce is her three daughters, Rumer, 23, Scout, 20, and Tallulah, 17, all of whom Ashton is the step-father of. According to the source, who told Us Weekly, “She wants to set an example for her daughters and this was just something she could not rationalize to them or to herself.”
Demi herself is also quoted as saying, “As a woman, a mother and a wife, there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life.”
Based on these public statements, it would seem this is an open and shut case of a guy caught cheating one too many times on his wife, right? WRONG!
So now I’m going to reopen the case and pull the covers on what appears to be a cover-up story!
For starters, behind the scenes, everyone in Hollywood knows that Moore and Kutcher had an ‘open marriage’ with suggestions even hinting that Demi is bisexual.
An insider told Star Magazine, and I quote, “Demi is attracted to women just as much as men, so she didn’t always get all she needed from Ashton.”
Speaking of their agreement to have an open marriage, the source added, “Everyone in Hollywood knows about their arrangement, but they’ve managed to keep it a secret from the general public.”
The source also said, “She was cool with Ashton having flirtatious relationships too. Somehow they made it work all these years. Both of them were respectful of each other. It was a lot of fun for them.”
The final straw came when Ashton’s alleged affairs became public.
Now here’s my take on what went wrong with Demi and Ashton’s marriage.
I’m sure you’ve heard the sayings: when you play with fire you get burned; and you’ve made your bed, now you have to lie in it. Sadly, it appears that Demi made her bed, then smoked in it, and the bed caught fire!
From what I understand, what started out as good times with some other women… and a lot of threesomes, soon became twosomes without Demi.
Soon the worm had turned (on her). Or more accurately, Ashton wormed his way into other women’s beds without Demi. And the word on the street is that Demi became insecure and jealous.
The real problem here lies with open relationships because they open the door to a world of emotional trouble. As you know, even monogamous relationships trigger strong feelings. But when you add the wild card of sleeping with other people to the mix, emotions run even higher.
I’ve seen it many times. A couple decides to have some fun threesomes with another woman. No problem. No strings, right? WRONG. You’re kidding yourself if you think that the sex act can be divorced from emotions and expectations. The reality is even when a person engages in anonymous sex with a prostitute attachments can form. In addition to the risk of forming attachments, with threesomes it’s easy for the wife to feel threatened that her husband is more turned on by other women, and for the husband to feel that he isn’t enough for his wife and that she needs somebody else beside him to fulfill her. In no time, feelings of jealousy and insecurity arise, which is exactly what happened in this case. The bottom line is this: when you bring a third party into your bed, you are eroding the marital bond.
Now don’t get me wrong…I have no issue with bi-sexuality. In fact, according to Freud, all humans are bi-sexual by nature. But did you know that many bi-sexuals opt to form a monogamous relationship with one person, either male or female, choosing the person and the relationship that is right. And they remain faithful for life.
Now I know a close friend of Demi’s said that she needed to have sex with women to fully satisfy herself. I don’t believe that this is true. Think about a man who is attracted to both buxom redheads and thin blonds? If he marries a buxom redhead, does he have to satisfy his frustrated desires by sleeping with a thin blond? Of course not! Marriage doesn’t make you blind or extinguish your attraction to others. But since marriage can only survive and thrive in the rich soil of safety and trust, you can’t maintain this secure frame when you’re sleeping with others. The only way to secure your bond is by choosing to close the door to other sexual partners; this means “keeping it in your pants” by choosing to not gratify every urge and impulse that comes up. You can fantasize, you can use porn, you can role-play, but you don’t play with fire by breaking or diluting the bond by adding other sexual partners to the mix.
In the end, we’re talking about a larger worldwide epidemic pattern of self-indulgence and self-gratification gone amok. When you fall into a pattern of gratifying all your urges, discipline and self-control is soon lost; in no time, the closet glutton inside all of us awakens our inner cookie monster (or in this case, the nookie monster). Sadly, for Ashton, a sex life that began as fun–we’ll just sleep with ONE other woman–turned into the Lays potato chip ad slogan. Remember it? Nobody can eat just one!